We are living in a fast moving world and we are constantly rushing from appointment to appointment. Going to Work, doing Sports, taking care of the family, meeting friends and sometimes we do that all in the same day. But don’t we forget something important along the way? Exactly ourselves.
We often find our selves feeling lost with many questions in our head. Who am I? What am I doing with my life? Am I actually happy? I guess many people can resonate with these questions.
How should we know what we lack if we are never barely spending time alone and listen to ourselves?
Imagine your friend is not feeling well, you would sit down with your friend and listen to her or him. So why don’t you do that with yourself? I guess one of the reasons is that we never learned how to deal with our thoughts and emotions. No one ever taught us, maybe you were the blessed and your parents showed you different self-regulation techniques. But let’s be honest even our parents often don’t know how to consciously deal with themselves, because no one ever taught them either. It’s a trap.
Instead of dealing with ourselves, we tend to suppress our emotions and hide them by putting a mask on to protect ourselves. Meanwhile, we are keeping ourselves busy to avoid time alone and when we are alone we tend to spend our time on our phone or watching Netflix.
We are constantly giving out energy, but not a lot of energy is coming back in.
You have a limited amount of energy each day, you want to make sure that you are using your energy wisely and not always running on low battery.
I once read a quote: “You should offer yourself the same amount of time as you offer to other”, it resonated with me. I believe if you have thirty minutes for your friend, you should also have thirty minutes for yourself.
You can start by doing small rituals where you spend some time and integrate them into your day. It can be anything that you enjoy doing and helps you to recharge.
Below I will share some tools and activities, that I love to do.
I observed that if I am feeling good about myself, I find myself being more fair, loving and kind to others and it’s easier for me to respond to situations, instead of reacting.
Here are five of my favorites:
Meditation is a powerful tool for me and it’s actually the first thing I do after waking up. To start your day with awareness (without checking your phone) is in my opinion, one of the best things you can do. Your morning determines your whole day. Any time of the day is great to meditate, I personally prefer mornings and evenings. Start with 5-10 mins a day and slowly build it up. You can listen to a guided meditation on YouTube, Binaural Beats, relaxing music or just sitting in Silence.
2 Get some Solitude time! Go out for a walk without your phone. You can be home alone but if you're constantly texting with your friends it’s not really effective. Learn the art of how to be alone. I know it can be uncomfortable from time to time, but it’s often the uncomfortable moments in life that help us grow the most. If you find yourself being uncomfortable by being alone, challenge and observe yourself to find out the root of it.
3 Nurture yourself with activities you love to do. It can be anything from having a coffee while reading a good book, watching your favorite movie or going out for a run. Simply things that you enjoy doing.
4 Journaling is one of my favorite self-reflection tools. Ask yourself questions like “What makes me happy?”, “What is holding me back?”, “Which kind of person do I want to become?”, “Are the people around supportive or bring me down?”.
Journaling helps me to become aware of my thought patterns, often I realised that many thoughts, beliefs, and fears are not actually mine. We unconsciously pick up many thoughts and beliefs of the environment that we live in. By giving yourself the time, to create a space where you can differentiate and filter what’s going on in our mind, you might realise that many beliefs are not coming from yourself. For example, often I realised ”hey wait a minute that's my mothers fear not mine”!
5 Being in Nature! Nature is healing. I love to walk in the forest or in a Parc, it feels like pushing a reset button. Go out of your apartment, get some fresh air and move your body. I know it’s comfortable and cozy on the couch, but getting out of your comfort zone will create a change.
Maybe you could resonate with some of the listed things and got inspired. Simply find your own ways and rituals that are helping you to built a healthier relationship with yourself. Enjoy and have fun!
Remember we all have 24 hours each day, no one has more or less, so it's your choice how you use your time.
P.S. Don't pressure yourself with high expectations, be compassionate with yourself. Step by step, every minute counts and it's already an achievement.