I recently had an experience that challenged me and triggered my insecurities, I saw pictures of myself from a photoshoot which made me feel uncomfortable, because I didn’t like them... honestly I felt ugly.
I got angry at myself, I questioned myself, I questioned my beauty and my self-worth.
It was one of those moments, when I would rather run away and ignore my feelings instead of facing my emotions.
As I realised this reaction, I sat down to meditate, to observe what was going on inside of me. I told myself that these emotions came up for a reason and it was an opportunity for me to learn and grow. Through this simple change in perspective, I started to feel grateful for the situation, it showed a part of me that needs healing.
Modeling has cultivated a lot of self-doubt and insecurities in me and has caused me to question myself a lot, especially my physical appearance. As a Model, I have had to get used to being criticised, judged and rejected on a daily bases.
I am grateful for the chance to work as a model, it has opened many doors for me, but it has also been a constant mental challenge.
We all know that we shouldn’t take things personally; however, if you are criticised regularly, there will come a point when you start to question yourself.
I have seen many beautiful people (inside and out), doubting themselves, their potential or their self-worth. We may see a beautiful person and ask ourselves, ”how can they not like themselves?” In the end, how we look on the outside has little to do with how we feel on the inside.
So, instead of letting my emotions control me, I decided to take my power back and simply look at it and I asked myself “why do I feel this way? Where is it coming from? Do I believe it is true? What is it teaching me?”
Somewhere close to Jerusalem
Israel is my happy place, I feel always good there! I remember this moment, I wasn’t thinking about anything, I was just present
Every emotion that comes up is here to teach us something and to get a deeper understanding of ourselves.
I believe that “self-love” is about being honest with ourselves, look at our fears, emotions or insecurities, try to see what they’re teaching us and observe them with compassion and love.
In my case, it was to learn to accept and love myself as I am and to be aware of the voice that is saying “what’s wrong with me.”
In my yoga teacher training, we talked about writing down ”three things we did great today”, instead of ”what we did wrong.” I find that it is a beautiful concept, most of the time, we are just looking for our flaws and mistakes (in ourselves and others).
In order to rise above our fears and insecurities, we have to change our perspective and direct our focus towards the positive. I know it’s easier said than done to “focus on the positive,” but if we practice doing so, with openness and acceptance, we will find the good even in the hardest situation.
We can’t control the circumstances we are in, but we do have the power to change how we think and feel about them. It is not easy to face our fears, self-doubts or insecurities, but it is important to work through them and not ignore these feelings. It is about taking care of the world inside of us, which we will never be able to escape from.
I came to the realisation that I can’t let modeling define me or my self-worth. In the past, I have given it too much importance and power of me; now, it is a process of letting go and redirecting my focus. I have the power to choose what I belief, which in the end creates my reality.
We identify with the things we do, but that’s not who we are. Our self-worth shouldn’t be defined by our profession, wealth or relationships, because we are something way beyond that.
Instead of letting ourselves be defined by something or someone, we should thrive to do and be better every day. Invest in the things we love, invest in our growth and become more conscious about our life.
Life is a process of becoming a better human to give and serve more. We are all here for a reason!
This was my personal experience, which I felt sharing. We all have different problems and go through different struggles, through it all, may we all try to love and accept ourselves the way we are.